SINGLE IS NOT A DIRTY WORD.

I write as a woman who has somehow always been at her best when single.... Every bad time, low time, dangerous time, high risk time, depressing time has been caused by or linked to a male. I have had my fair share of good relationships and bad relationships but regardless of whether the relationship was good or bad, when it all fell down it was ALWAYS me, directly or indirectly. Heartbreaks exist, passion exists, love exists, companionship exists but for many women these things have essentially ended their lives for all intents and purposes. With the way I have been raised and all the societal cues around me, this is a mans world. If I mould my perspectives from the immediate nature and nurturing around me, this is not my world, this world was not designed for me to just be. Often we get told to be our true selves... In such a world, that rarely matters. In this world we are reactionary agents. We are a mistake, we are a lesser of two evils, we are a remedy, a by product, a tool, a trophy, a requirement for a bigger picture, a stop gap measure, a home builder, a status giver, the list is endless but I do feel that we are always someones something. You could have the values and heart of Esther, know yourself like the back of your hand, read every book ever written and have a 10 point plan you stick to with great discipline but who you end up with and how you end up with them might never actually be about those things. You could also be a loose cannon, a scatter brain, not know know right from left in your life and end up with an awesome guy because you simply bring ambience to his life, an ambience you couldn't describe if a gun was placed to your head. As I get older I notice that we hardly make the choices, relationships are almost like a lucky dip. Almost a right place at the right time scenario. A lot of women who don't encounter this right place right time juncture are now so exhausted. They then go through so much psychological, mental and emotional surgery, trying to figure where they went wrong, what they should do better, what they shouldn't do and I'm saying there is no clear and correct answer. You get tired of thinking men are trash, you get tired of turning it around and thinking maybe you are trash... you simply get so exhausted and miserable and for a lot of women life loses meaning. At some point you realize that you have been running in races you will never win, races you don't understand, sometimes running a race when you thought you were taking a time out. WE get the books, the ones telling you to act like this and think like that, WE get the talks at kitchen parties and bridal showers, WE get the everything all the time...and honestly it's tiring. Meanwhile they get to... well... to just be. They do have their own societal pressures regarding masculinity, being a provider, balancing patriarchy and so on but I do believe that when it comes to long term relationships and marriage it's their game to win. So what happens now? Is it all just gloom and doom? No... I think we should be the generation that acknowledges that love and companionship is important but that we shouldn't be obsessed about where that love and companionship comes from. The world I was brought up in works in such a way that from a young age we are inspired to love love. This love must come from a man. We must be pleasing , aesthetically, psychologically, emotionally and mentally....to a....wait for it...a man. Men are great... really they are and it would be awesome to have one around, have one to call your own but when that becomes the backdrop of your existence you have signed up for a whirlwind. If you find your man and it pleases your soul then great... really that is beautiful. But let's say you never find one or you take a super super long time to find one does that mean your life wasn't fully lived? Does that mean the world potentially passed you by? There are beautiful loves that can exist in your life that do not involve a man. I know many of you are rolling your eyes at this point, saying stuff like "please darling, we all know that everyone want's to be with someone" and I won't fight you. I get you, I get you so much but this post is not for you. This post is also not there for the bitter and jilted woman fresh out of a break up who momentarily believes that love doesn't really exist and is looking for some type of comfort. No honey, not for you but I pray you heal though... This post speaks to those who have really looked back on their lives and what they have been through and seen that they genuinely could see past the immediate nature and nurture aspects of their existence and maybe the single life is for them. You are not a card carrying, bra burning feminist who "doesn't need a man" You are not fueled by fear or bitterness but maybe life has just been a little clearer when you are single. Your skin glows, you achieve more, experience more, laugh more, dream more when you are not caught up running confusing races...yaaaassss honey this one is for you! Challenge yourself to see that the world is big and vast and intricate, that you could never finish it, that you could never understand all of it and yet you have the privilege of being in it. What an adventure, what an opportunity to love and be loved by so many different things....not just a man. Let a man be part of the journey and not the journey itself and if one fits enough to journey with you then you go girl! Easier said than done and also not for the faint in heart but I know one or two of you feel me.

Signed...

Anonymous.