Parenting 101

NK
Feb 26, 2017
5 min read

Dhar-lings allow me to do a little talking out loud…a bit of preaching and teaching for you!

Before our son was born my husband and I read and watched a great many books and documentaries on parenting (I will share links and book titles). Call us the modern parents because that’s exactly what we are.

Then came Kundai, aka ‘King K’... moment of celebration because WHATTT a blessing –such a joy –KING—our SON – Gift from the Heavens—Glory to GOD!

So first things first, AGREE TO BE PARENTS. Discuss your parenting styles before the baby comes into the world. Your parenting styles are often informed by your personal upbringing. My husband being the first of three is intelligent, brave, responsible, organized, logical, caring, attentive and progressive. I, being the fourth of five children, am intelligent, brave, carefree, independent, defensive and supportive. Yes, we are opposites in every way possible, WHICH IS WHAT MAKES US WORK (science 101, unlike poles attract). If you combine all our characteristics we are formidable.

SO, what kind of parents are we?

We decided from the onset to work as a team, in that we bring to the table our strengths in order to build a character that will conquer the world and its wars. Our team effort means that our choices regarding our personal career and life goals will put King K first. For instance, we are both entrepreneurs. As such we work 7 days a week ….14 hours a day. We are both scholars; my husband is studying towards his MBL and I am studying for my Doctorate. We live on a farm, which means I have to commute to work in Harare (60 kms away) almost 3 times a week! IMPOSSIBLE schedules.

Choices had to be made.

So, I chose to defer my doctorate. I CHOSE, not at my husband’s behest, but freely without duress to allow me a little more time with our son while hubby works on his MBL. This is what teamwork is in a marriage knowing when and how to SUPPORT the main GOAL – which to us is to raise a well-rounded child who will define us as he grows into his own person.

This walks us into our second lesson… a child needs to be in a consistent environment surrounded by familiar people and familiar surroundings. We learned this from psychology of child development as well as practical observations on how other races raise their children. From other races we observed that the mothers tend to take time away from work while the infant develops. This observation presented so many inhibiting factors for us.

For instance, most of us black people are first generation wealth. As a result we cannot afford to take time off work. Understanding building wealth is fundamental to the growth of a nation. Let me explain the basic principle of first generation wealth. Our parents are the first generation to acquire or amass riches… these riches still need to be converted into wealth. Wealth is created from ownership. (I will tread carefully here). By virtue of you being, e.g., a CEO at a firm that does not belong to you, you are RICH not wealthy. When you own something you can pass it on to the next generation, but a job title dies when you die.

Entrepreneurship is a way of building WEALTH. Let me illustrate with a vivid example. The president of the United States Donald Trump got a loan of a Million Dollars from his father with which he built his real estate empire. All his children are employed in varying capacities in that empire ---this is a typical example of generational wealth!!!

Back to parenting, I left formal employment when I was pregnant with King K to focus on building my own firm (in the pipeline), Fashion brand – Chenesai and community work – 4CBC (4 the Community By the Community) and Sungano. All this in a bid to allow for flexibility of my schedule so that King K is the priority. With this decision, my enterprises work around King K’s developmental needs— I AM my son’s constant. This allows hubby to focus on his enterprise, farming is a 24hr job. As such, he has entrusted me with the job of ensuring that our SON comes first in our lives. I accepted the task with much honor and glee. King K has a consistent environment surrounded by familiar people and surroundings.

Finally, GROW with your CHILD. Never claim to know it all!! King K is our priority as such we focus on his developmental needs. HIS needs, not our preferences and biases. What this means is we watch him as he grows and learn from him as he learns from us. We learnt this from our parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins…

Ha ha hazvina formula they say!

But we understood THAT as that being the formula. Focusing on the child allows you to grow with him/her so that he/she does not outgrow you. I suppose being academics makes you think everything is a case study! Baba Kundai is a scientist as such everything presents a logical explanation. To baba Kundai everything has a cause and effect …oh yes this is also true in LAW. After all LAW, is a SCIENCE.

So far with KING K we are quickly learning and agreeing that children are sponges. A few observations: baba Kundai whistles a lot and lo’ and behold we observed Kundai shaping his little mouth trying to whistle. Another observation; baba Kundai and I are very strong willed… (ha ha maybe I more than him– occupational hazard). Oh boy do we see these traits in Kundai - try take a toy from him. Another example… I am very independent- and this trait is very obvious when you watch King K around people. He is very free and pretty much does his own thing. His pediatrician Dr. Choto had warned us that at about 7 months he will get clingy, but so far zero traces of that.

Lastly, we observe that King K is brave; this definitely from both of us. When King K got circumcised he went with Gogo Mukora. When mom returned to my hospital room she was in complete amazement and said: ‘Chene kana kumbochema wena, apa all the other babies were wailing’. I mused and just thought we just got lucky! But recently when we went for his 9 months jab we went expecting the worst because Sekuru Mangoma had warned us that his colleague’s son had received the same jab and the poor child had cried his eyes out on and off for the next two days. King K did not flinch not even a wince …he continued playing… And here we are, 2 days later, still no jab related tears!

So as you note we are growing with King K. There is still so much we don’t know yet we have read and watched several documentaries and books! This is definitely one of the hardest job in the world. And bear in mind baba Kundai and I are both cum laude (distinction) students and yet we still admit this JOB, this PROJECT, is by far the hardest and yet most FULFILLING!!!!

Our parenting style can be summarized this way…